Fighting, Concussions and Suicide in Hockey

As kids, a lot of boys and girls around me were taught to idolize and strive to become their favorite sport stars. Who could blame them? Everybody wants fame and notoriety and especially the money, but at what cost. This subject touched me deeply as I have been on all sides of this argument and I can tell you it is not as black and white as its seems. I was one of those kids, not by choice but because my father told me I was to be one of them. When I was in elementary school the experimentation on what I was good at began, I was put into different sports, in soccer the shoe didn’t fit and I couldn’t skate for the life of me so it was decided that i was going to be a football player. I wasn’t allowed to complain because I was “lucky” that I had size and strength and my parents were paying for my seasons. At the time I hated everything to do with football and my position, all i did was hit, every whistle I would hit and get hit and this was the thing I hated most in life, in all my years of football I must have racked up 4-6 concussions. And all I got back from this was my dads approval and post traumatic stress. I played football from elementary all the way until last year, quitting was hard, the sport was part of me at this point, i was introduced to friends and family as “My son James, yes hes a monster, he is a giant, you should see what he does on the field!!”

Now one might ask why someone in my position would stay and continue playing and the answer is simply that you are stuck. In my case just discussing how much I disliked the sport would start an argument, the old be a man was thrown around a bunch of times and i cant blame anyone for saying this to me. After all look what football gave me, i was finally confident and proud and I wasn’t being bullied anymore. I loved the attention i got from my dad and everyone around me yet I despised all of them so much for minimizing me to my sport at the same time. The sport is also a family and I have made countless brothers while playing. My coaches volunteered their time for me and all the kids on the team, I will forever be in their debt, nevertheless I can never take my years of football back and all the violence and hitting is stuck with me now.

Thus the situation is not black or white at all, as a player how can your opinion count when your whole livelihood is thanks to the fans and the forefathers of the sport that had it way harder? What can you do if the answer to all the points you raise is man up? I think that in sport, many men feel similar to me, I don’t believe that all hockey players crave violence and fighting but i think that as a player you are conditioned to love what you do. Living by the “code” and being a “real man” are conditioned habits that are harmful yet players are formed in such a way that they see violence in sport as fulfilling.

The point of this blog is not to diminish the work of athletes or the sports they play, in fact sports and competition will never go away and it is important to embrace these things. I also believe that my opinion and life story is similar to thousands of people just like me who love their sport but understand the pain it caused them. In terms of professional players I think that it is important to understand the importance of the individual over the sport, team or even the fans. Although the fans make a sport it would be selfish to demand that fights and certain forms of physical contact remain in a sport if it obviously tens to lead to negative consequences for the majority of players.

As a final point it is important to think about future generations. Players today must set an example to young and impressionable kids, as well it is important for there to be a disassociation of violence in sport and the emphasis on competition. Contact in sports does not have to be violent, it in my opinion fans and toxic masculinity that push the notion of physical and emotional violence for entertainment. Players must be given the final say, as of course it is their sport, but as fans and allies it is important to create a safe and understanding environment that encourages true dialogue.

The first episode “The Code” of the CBC’s The Fifth Estate and the CBC documentary “School Violence: How To Fight For Safer Schools have opened my eyes about the tremendous impact of masculinity in our Canadian society. In my opinion, these masculine beliefs, that say that men must be tough, strong, agressive, and get what they want no matter the price, negatively affect our society. we can see the results in schools and in our national sport (the hockey). While school violence is an outcome of what happens inside the Canadian families, hockey is a mirror of our of our society. First of all, according to Dr. Christopher Kilmartin, the desconnection of fathers from home has conceived many generations of men and women that have had  a lack of love from their fathers and who think that men are superior than women. It is inevitably to see violence and sexual harashment in schools if it is what we all have experienced in our families, and seen on T.V. and internet. We all accept violence while supporting Hockey and the implicit fights within. Kids watch this violence on T.V.  and reproduce it at schools. Eventually, their children will be, consciously or unconsciously,  taught in violence. In the case of sexual abuse, it also starts at home when boys and girls see that the father takes control over the mother. Boys might end up thinking that it is normal to use women to satisfy their sexual necessities regardless of their opinion ,and girls may belief that it is acceptable that men take control over them. This is a cycle that never ends that begins in raising children. However, us, as the new generation, have the power of change. The first step is to reformulate the concept of men. By acknowledging that men do not have to be tough, emotionally disconnected, agressive, in control of women, and the only providor to be a ‘real man’, we give a chance to equity.