For this specific blog, I chose to interview a man who’s more than a friend, but also a person who finds the pleasure in mocking me and keeping me on my feet; my brother. Growing up, we were very close and had lot’s in common. Now however, we’re more distant and keep our lives private and closed off. So, I decided to interview him about his best friend, and hopefully come to understand a little more about him and his relationships with his bosom buddy.

He answered the first question by telling me that he’s close to his best friend because they’ve spent their childhood growing up together and have experienced life’s challenges hand-in-hand. His best friend knows how to cheer him up when he’s feeling moody and he’s someone who which he confides.

Secondly, they enjoying camping together and going on long bike rides. At the age of 8 years old, they were both enlisted in Boy Scouting where they learned how to put up a tent and survive in the forest. My brother mentioned having so much fun playing basketball with him outside during the summer or just chilling out at his house.

Lastly, him and his best friend aren’t afraid to shelter themselves from their emotions or feel pressured to not be vulnerable or sad. Whenever they separate, they say “love you bro”, not caring what anyone else thinks because “that’s how I truly feel”.

Looking back to the ideas in “No Man Is an Island”, by Christopher Kilmartin, ,my brother hasn’t followed the stereotypical behaviours of how best friends, or men in general, should act around each other. He believes that if you are truly friends with someone, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell them how much they mean to you, especially your best friend.

First question asked, why are you close to your friend? He replied “ because we’ve known each other for a long time, we have the same interests, a lot of things in common and they help each other. 

The second question was , what kinds of things do you do like doing together? My friend answered “ hang out, listen to music, go clubbing, playing video games and debating”.

Finally I asked if he’s ever told his friend how much he meant to him? He calmly said “no,never “. I then asked why , “because he never felt the need to” . He also replied calmly. 

In conclusion, i feel like he was so calm because it is “generally normal” not to show emotion. To my understanding there is a sexual barrier, where they probably rarely expresses their feelings or show affection to each other because they don’t wanna be seen as “weak”. But yet being affectionate shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable, they should be confortable enough around each other to share anything since they’ve been friends for so long 

I interviewed one of my best friends, who I shall not name to keep his privacy. When I interviewed him I asked him three questions. Why are you close to your friend? What kinds of things do you like to do together? Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

For the first question he told me, that he’s close to me because we’ve always been together. Since we met in Sec. 3 in high school, we’ve always been in the same classes. He said that we have very similar personalities and interests, and have the same sense of humour making me always have fun together.

When I asked him what kind of things he likes to do together, we both chuckled. He said we can literals do anything and we’ll have fun. We always make jokes and joke about past memories. He said his favourite thing to do however is anything stupid. Since we always have fun when we do anything stupid.

He told me he’s only told me how much I meant to him once, a while ago. He said that he doesn’t say it because it’s a bit of an unspoken thing, as he said, “he knows he’s like a brother to me and he knows that I will help him no matter what. He’s one of my best friend and he knows that I love him like a brother”.

Being close to someone or mostly called as a friend started with a shared experience. Sometimes a fight between men could start a relationship because you both shared the same experience. Something you can related with someone is emotion, activities\ hobbies, opinions or even goals and that only start friendship.Paraphasing in “Men in Relationships” You can make a friend on video games, too online. Just by playing, having the same interset of games or even a opinion of the aspect of the game. Then, it’s easy to talk to them about life, you help eachother like we’re brothers. But, if you are in a group then, it’s not a problem it just changes the mood of everyone. It’s unsettlte that there’s a friend to be emotionly conncet when the others are not. Which in “Men in Relationships” explains. If your friend feels bad then you feel bad. You’ll don’t want to change the mood of people when you guys are out having for fun. That’s sometimes why we hide it. Also, insult are not taken seriously. Why? Because you know that your best friend is just playing and they’ll always be by your side no matter what but this can be misleading and hurt.

Playing video games, is the number one thing for me. If you are in war then you in war with your best friend; we don’t fight eachother. We strategize, report, call outs, and most importantly trust eachother in the plan because if someone not doing their job we all going down. We also share memes which shares our interset too. And understanding that both of us is anti-social.This is a status relationship within “Men in Relationships”. Just talking about our hobbies, but if we have problems within our lives then I have no shame to share it with the others and sometime a best friend is easier to talk to then a family members. That is what we mentally know. We don’t need to say that we are close or explain it is was it is.

I have said of the value of my best friend and I’ll do the same thing to help them when they’re down, but most of the time they know already that your voices, appearance, and your interset is enough to know that they got your back.And I got them. We say “Bro I love you” then “No homo” to show our gratitude. No homo just limites the word love or a respectable love. Their reacting is “I know” which is common then “Love you too, No homo” with a response. If you say it too many times then they might be concerned about you and it okay to be gay.

The first question I asked was “Why are you close to your friend?”, he took a long time to respond, so long that I told him to pass for the next one. For the second question, what he said he likes to do with this friend is going out for camping and road trips, taking photography and playing video games. Moreover, the next question was if he ever told his friend what he means to him, he answered that he did at the time when they went out for camping, he said they had a deep conversation with each other, talking about how much they’ve gone through their lives and they’re still and will be there for each other. He said his friend’s reaction was he smiled and agreed. I went back to ask him the first question, he said it is why they’re close because they count on and support one another. 

Though in the text it states “Reflecting masculine norms male-only groups are often activity based instead of relationship based and thus their members come together to do a specific thing and not to build relationship or maintain their relationships” (Kilmartin, 169).  It’s true to the fact that they will do an activity based to brought them together but from what I heard from my male friend and his friend is that not only it give the bond but it also gave them the realization that they are like brothers. They find time to get together and I think even though they may lack showing or telling each other’s feelings, actions still speak louder than words. Mostly through actions, they get together and also get to understand each other well, this can either create or destroy a relationship. But, if they have similar interests then they are bound to get closer to each other.  

When I asked the person why he is close to his friend, I expected the person to ask for a few minutes to think about it, but he didn’t. He says that they have known each other since kindergarten, plus he is very honest. They would always be there for each other when they need help and they are always ready to hang out. He ends off this question by saying that he and his friend have a great understanding.

Then, I asked my subject what he and his friend enjoy doing when they are together. The subject replied that enjoy talking and hanging out. They would go out, play some sports, go get something to eat, or they would stay home and play video games. They also like to talk about stuff, mostly about how their lives are going and what’s new.

As for the last question of letting the person know if you appreciate them, the subject never told him his friend how much he appreciates him. Other than calling his friend his brother, the subjects says there is no recollection that the subject can think of. They both know that they appreciate each other even if they don’t tell each other.

Analysis: The text says the same thing about men being emotionless and not intimate with people from the same sex. However, the text also says that because of such, men will not have a good relationship with others. Therefore, if you don’t have that intimacy with someone, you cannot qualify them as being your best friend. Best friend, are two friends who are “emotionally intimate”, which you cannot have if you are scared of it. From how my subject describes his relationship with his friend, he has a pretty intimate relationship, with a friend who is reliable and trustworthy.

For the first question, “Why are you close to your friend? Be specific”, the person answered the question without hesitation and seemed to me like he already asked this question to himself before. He said ” I am close with my friend because he is always fun to be around. I can definetly trust him since we share our own little secrets together and have never told anyone about it even when we get into a heated argument. I consider him as my brother, he supports me emotionally and always push me to better myself.”

For the second question, “What kind of things do you like to do together?”, He answered by saying “Well, we basically do what other people are doing these days. We play games on my console when were bored, we go to Downtown to shop or eat in a restaurant like Seoul chako or Mon Ami and we also try to watch the latest movies in the cinema. Honestly, the places we go to doesn’t really matter since it’s our conversations that makes it ten times more enjoyable.”

For the third question, “Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?”, He confidently answered by saying ” Yes of course I have. I thanked him for being my best friend and sticking to my side for years during a party. Maybe it was the alcohol that made me say that but regardless I still meant it. We were pretty drunk that day so he only said a few words to thank me but once we were completely sober, he brought it up again and told me that it really means a lot to him that I said those words during the party and also told me that he considers me as family.”

For the first question, “Why are you close to your friend?”, he answered “I enjoy being around them and their presence. I can share secrets that normally I wouldn’t tell to other people, they are someone I can really trust. We have a lot of inside jokes together where basically no one can understand us.”

When I asked him what are things he likes to do together with his best friend, he said he enjoys talking about life in general with them, playing video games, especially League of Legends and Minecraft where they mess around often. They enjoy catching up when they haven’t communicated with each other in a while. They can joke around with a lot of things without having the feeling of getting judged by other people, it feels a lot more natural.

He has never told his friend how much they mean to him, because he says that when you are so close with someone, you don’t really have the need to tell them how you feel about them. The other person also reciprocates those feelings. The bond between the two is really tight.

After interviewing my friend, I realized that lot of his answers were things that were talked about in Kilmartin’s article “No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships”. His best friend was someone that he could joke around a lot with, as was described to be one of the things men enjoyed the most of their best friends in pages 161 and 163 of the article. They enjoy playing video games with each other like most guys do with their friends. His best friend is someone he can really trust, he could tell him things that he would tell to only a select few people.

“Love is not only meant for lovers. It is also for friends who love each other better than lovers.”

Thoughts

What is a SOULMATE? As defined by Google, “a soulmate is someone that just gets you. It’s a connection of minds, a mutual respect, an unconditional love and a total understanding. It’s about being yourself and knowing, not only that person is following and understanding your thoughts, but is right there with you, side by side.” Intimacy is a big NO in the american stereotypical male to male friendship, but it isn’t the case for everyone.

As I interviewed a male friend of mine, I can hear his emotion and sincerity in his answers. He was very embarrassed and shy to open up about the topic of intimate friendship/ best friend, because just like any friendship between men, talking intimately is like a taboo.

First of all, as he answered the first question, he said that he was very close to his friend, because a few years before they met, he was going through a very hard situation and as it get worst, he met his friend and brought him back hope as he was morally supporting him and never gave up on him even if he was at his worst. As mentioned in the chapter eight of “The Masculinity Self, No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships”, of Kimmel, same-sex best friends could go through the point where they commit to each other as much as it is said in a marriage vow, such as for better, for worst, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do them apart. I find it very endearing to hear that they commit to each other and to hear that this sort of friendship can also happen not only between women, but also men. I guess that as time goes by, we, as human, are indeed evolving to be more accepting than we were a few centuries back.

Second of all, my interviewee said that he really cherishes every moment he spent with his best friend. For example, going out together in a way where they go eat, watch cinema, playing video games, as well as having some occasional intimate talks. In addition, he also said that the slightest thing such as walking together was a very enjoyable things to do together. As I analyze his answer, I noticed that the friendship between him and his best friend was not the typical friendship described by Kimmel. An invisible sexual barrier does not exist between them, which made it possible for them to have an intimate conversations. They don’t seem to be bothered by what the society thinks of them and they seem to trust each other to the point where they can be very vulnerable to each other.

Finally, my male friend told me that he did say how important his friend is, but in a very discrete and superficial way. He said that it is still embarrassing to say intimate words to describe his feelings to his friend despite being so close. He also assumes that his friend can sense it and already know how important he is for him, given the fact that they have been through a lot of ups and downs together. I guess that even if they have shown affection toward each other, a part of a traditional definition of masculine will always linger around there thoughts.

In conclusion, my interviewee does not have a typical/traditional friendship that the society has enforced men and they have overcome a lot together, including the sexual barrier that stops men from showing there affections/feelings toward someone of the same sex (not in a lovey-dovey way, but as friends). I do hope that more men will step out of the box and be less insecure of how the society perceives them if they lack some of the “manly” assets and/or show how much they value there friendship (with men).

I asked my male friend about his relationship with his best friend and his answer kind of shook me. As talked since the beginning of this class and as mention in the text, we expect men to not express their feeling, and to talk about girls, parties, drinking, and sport instead. But when I asked my friend about what he was talking about with his best friend his answer surprised me. He told me that his friend and he were usually talking about their social problems together and asking the other one advises about what they should do. Of course, they do talk about sports, just like girls like to talk about other stuff than their problems but despise what we expect from a male-male relationship, they do talk about more intimate subjects. My friend also told me that after a long time without seeing his friend, he told his best friend how much he meant to him and that he didn’t want to lose him, and his friend responded that it was reciprocal. It means that they are at a state where they can really express what they feel without being called gay or judge by the other one. Also, in the text “No man is an Island: Men in Relationship” they talk about a hierarchy that is usually present between friendship. Unlike what they mention in the text, I really do feel that their relationship is based on respect and that none of them is trying to take advantage of the other one to be more “powerful”. As mention earlier, they are both really close to each other and they tend to talk about their weakness to the other one without being scared that it will be used against them. They have built a true and strong friendship between each other, without really following the norms of what a friendship between two men should look like.