In the documentary The Mask you live in the, stuff that was said about boys becoming men really stood out to me. One particular thing that stood out to me was when a Mother named Gabby said how her son Roman was bullied and abused in school because he did not have a father figure to guide him through those times and this made him feel lonely and different.

Another thing that was said in the documentary that stood out to me was when statistics showed that 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused. This part was really touching for me because men have to be seen as strong and powerful but yet some boys are being sexually abused instead of being taught how to be a good gentleman. This is really sad because it’s not only females who are being sexually abused in this society but so are Males no matter the power there “supposed to have “

One last thing that stood out to me in this documentary is when someone said men don’t say or do anything because they will loose their status in peered culture. No one should have to hold back their emotions or pain when it comes to things like this and holding in your pain does not make u a man there’s no such thing as that and it’s sad how men need to be view this way that way they can be viewed as superior to women.

When Carlos Andres Gomez spoke about the young boy who wanted to confront him mom that he was gay after going to a gay club with his friend by accident, but the mom laughed and seemed disgusted when she heard about the gay club. The boy was scared to confront that he was gay to her because of the way she acted to him going to a gay club. The documentary better helps me understand his experience because a lot of boys do not have a father figure growing up and this shows that a lot of boys are scared to express how they feel and are scared to come out because being gay or being Bi isn’t what a man is supposed to be.

In the documentary “The mask you live in”, what really stood out to me was when they explained that when boys are depressed they react differently than the way girls do. Instead boys will take their depression out as anger and become mean towards other whereas when girls are depressed they’re more quiet and sad. This issue really stood out to me because it showed the difference between how male and females cope with things and how if a guy cries or show he’s sad he’s considered feminine, which mean not manly.

Another thing that caught my attention was when the boys were talking and they were saying how they have to give out a certain image of themselves in order to be considered “a man” to society. They feel as though if they give affection to one of their friends it’s considered gay. This issue caught my attention because I find that absolutely sad that a guy can’t even hug his friend without being considered gay, and this is why boys become mean and grow into violent men because they feel showing love isn’t manly.

In the book from Carlos Andres Gomez, the part that got my attention was when the author was explaining how straight men use words such as “bitch, faggot, pussy” that they use them to devaluate the feminine and how it’s an attack on women. I agree with him completely, not only is it offensive to gay men, but it’s a huge offense to women, because they make it seem as if a men acts like a women it’s such a bad thing.

This documentary helped me understand Carlos’ experience because of what boys go through just to fit in be considered a normal man. That’s why after when boys show a little affection they think they’re gay because what is expected of a man in society is to be strong and can’t show any emotion. That’s why he wasn’t even sure of what he was because his feelings weren’t the same of what is expected to be considered “a man”. Having to live with acting a way that isn’t your true self is one of the hardest things to deal with.

I think one of the most striking aspects of the documentary was, to me, the idea of a “bro code”. The documentary was discussing how, when boys “betray” their group or don’t act like their bros, they are  shamed and marginalized. The documentary was also explaining how this code pushes men to not be themselves, to be impulsive and violent to prove their masculinity. This part really caught my attention because I could associate so many boys I knew to that. Growing up, I saw them lose the spark they had in their early adolescence to fit in with the other boys and to conform. Throughout high school, there were always guys who would tell girls about how low they felt, but they would be too ashamed to talk about it to their “bros”. What was interesting, though, is that these same boys completely changed when their group was around. They would immediately ignore or be mean to the very girls they confided to, because they did not want to look “weak”. I also often felt like the idea of “me and the boys” was sold through movies like Good Will Hunting or Stand by Me. The documentary also says that media has a big influence, but when boys try to have the connections they see in movies in real life, it’s harder for them to attain that level of friendship because they could not be emotionally open without the fear of being judged.

Another striking part of the documentary was the part concerning the mask exercise, where boys admitted they hid all their sadness and pain because these feelings weren’t associated with being masculine. This part struck to me because, again, of the environment I grew in. It made me think of a friend of mine who was feeling very sad last year. Once, he told me he was crying because of the many things that were going on and I did my best to let him know that everything would be okay. The next day, however, he told me “wow, I can’t believe I was so weak. I’m ashamed. Men never cry”. I became conscious that day of that mask that he hid behind and that probably many boys I know hide behind, which is why seeing this aspect of masculinity in the documentary caught my attention. Boys are taught to resolve to violence and to dominate in order to solve any issue. They always must be in control and aren’t allowed to take a break and be genuine with what they are feeling.

Finally, one part in Gomez’ story that really caught my attention was how badly he craved the intimacy between men in Zambia, since it was something that his own culture rejected. In the documentary, this is seen as the reason why boys drink and get high: they want to be close and intimate with their friends but cannot do so without being seen as weak. However, when they’re drunk/high, it is suddenly normal to be emotional, to hug and to express love to friends. There’s no longer any fear or shame around it. I think it’s sad that this is the only way for many boys to be emotional. To conclude, Gomez himself “wish[ed] most guys in the United States could be granted more permission to enter spaces like that with each other, not necessarily in a sexual way, but to develop some kind of emotional literacy among [them], especially with each other”.

  The mask you live in really opened my eyes on how boys are “trained” since they were little to “be a man” or to “man up”. Therefore, hearing in this documentary that less than half of boys and men with mental health are seeking help, every day three or more boys commit suicide, and are judged for being vulnerable is just heartbreaking. So, what really got my attention was when Ashanti Branch (educator and youth advocate) did an exercise with his students. He basically asked them to write on a paper what emotions they are showing to the public and in the back of the paper their real feelings. This got my attention because he did a good job at making the students see that they weren’t the only guys feeling that way and that they are not alone. Also, what Joe Ehrmann (coach and former NFL player) said about how coaches play a big role on the guys is something that all athletes should listen too. Because having a good coach that supports who you truly are, knows your limitations, accepts your other passions, and guides you to the right direction is the perfect coach/mentor! 

     Secondly, what really got my attention from the book of Carlos Andres Gomez was when he had a girlfriends and talked about how they would have sex and stuff even though he knew he was gay, because it pains me to see people hiding their true feelings for the wrong reasons, which in his case is because it is not socially accepted in public and in his family/culture. Now watching this documentary it helped me understand his reason; people were reinforcing him to be a man and to do what all frat boys do!!!

The documentary , The mask you live in, showed some very interesting things about how certain men were raised, how they were affected by being treated in a this type of way and how they’ve been singled out by people.One thing that really jumped out to me is how all the guys in the videos had almost similar experiences. For example, there was one of the prison inmates that said because of the way he acted, he got beat up and sexually abused,and because of that he decided to stray towards the path of violence. Another example would be the young Latino guy who was acting out and selling drugs because of how he has been neglected and treated.In short its to say that if these guys could’ve expressed their feelings without being judged , they would not be in this type of situation. In fact less than 50% of these men reach out for help because they’re scared to be seen doing something, the norm would consider weak.

Secondly, the part where the teacher said that in elementary school, there was something called the mean club and like how the boys were not allowed to play with the girls. That part jumped out to me because of how I have lived trough something very similar back in elementary. In my school, there was two groups, the girls and the boys, we were never allowed to play with one another because the guys would think that playing with girls, makes you feminine or gay. Furthermore, if one of us were to accidentally end up playing with them, that person would be kicked out of the group but thankfully this phase didn’t last long and by the end of elementary we all stayed together without really judging too much. More specifically, this was due to the intervention of the school because of how certain guys developed a mentality that acting a bit more feminine or liking what the girls did was not okay. Seeing that we live in a society where even at a young age guys are meant to like more masculine things and are forced into liking things that they don’t necessarily like.

Lastly, in Carlos Gomez’s book, the part that stood out to me would be where he is unsure of his sexuality and is confused as to if he’s gay , more specifically the part where he says that he has had sexual interaction with girls multiple times but he talks in a way that makes it seem as though he’s not so excited. This passage tells me that he is doing this only because it is normal for a guy. To me it seems that he has been molded into a guy, liking a girl, but deep down i think that if society had not put barriers to what he can do, he would’ve turned out a different way. Likewise, in the documentary, it was shown multiple guys being bullied because of the way they acted causing them to lock down their emotions