What caught my attention in the document “The mask you live in” was how men are pressure to “fit in” in the stereotype of masculinity. For example if you’re a man, people automatically assume that you’re muscular, in a sports team, going to the gym or getting laid all the time. There is no mention of emotions. Because if you show them, you are considered to be soft. It’s like the only emotion society accepts from a man is anger. The only emotion that a man can show is his anger. I find that upsetting because men do have other feelings like sadness but they have to hide it because then they get called on names like “faggot or a pussy”. As a human being, it is normal to feel upset, sad & depressed.

 I was also shock to know that every 1 in 6 boy get sexually abuse. This is something underrated because nobody ever talks about it. I only saw 13 reasons why talking about it. No other show. Women sexual abuse is more popular than men. Why is that? It’s really traumatic to see and hear that both genders are facing sexual abuse in their lives. Nobody deserves to face this traumatic situation whether it’s a women or a MAN.

In the Gomez story, the part where he says where so many people were enforcing his masculinity; “it’s my dad making sure I’m staying in shape and going to the gym”. It’s his friend freezing up and don’t know what to do when he gets emotional. As a mention earlier, it’s normal to have emotions for men. Yet, they get judge because it is not considered a “manly” act. They’re not born heartless. They have feelings too and it’s okay to show them.

It was weird seeing people of society describing what they thought, or what people told them, was a real man and what they did because they thought it was “manly”. For example, the guy who quit music because he was getting bullied. It was unexpected for me to hear someone get bullied for doing music because when I was in high school, doing music was great. Music was something that was very special in high school and we never got anything negative about it. I’m not sure how not drinking and not doing drugs makes you an outcast. I personally prefer not to do any of those because they can have harmful effects on the body, including liver disease, addiction, and even death. As for boys being more aggressive when they are depressed, I believe it could be true, that’s why, I think some guys do sports, to put their aggression into something other than hitting people. Others may take it as a sort of therapy for themselves from stress, pain, etc. However, sometimes we are forced to talk about what is going on because most coaches can tell something is wrong in their players life by the way they are playing.

The part when Carlos explains that “Manhood” is a game that we are destined to lose was the part that got my attention. The reason being that throughout the book, he explains that men use three terms to oppress the feminized attitudes in men. What really got my attention was when he said that people “oppress” who they really are. I found that quite surprising since it explains a lot about some people I’ve met in the past and those mentioned in the text. Something I remember being taught, and that is clearly stated in this paragraph is to accept who you are.

The documentary “The Mask You Live In,” presented a lot of shocking research which really had me thinking. I had a hard time believing most of the things they said for they were upsetting and sounded so unrealistic. This goes to show that many points jumped out at me. For instance, one in four boys report being bullied and how men who are depressed often go unnoticed.

Boys who get bullied should not be afraid to speak up. I find it very sad that only one in four boys report being bullied. Boys, just like girls can be bullied for their looks, personality etc… and should not feel as though talking about it is forbidden because they are a male. In society men are taught to keep their emotions inside, wear a mask and hide anything that can be seen as a weakness while girls are seen to be emotional human beings. Girls and boys are more alike than different and we should accept them for who they are as a person instead of trying to depict every little flaw we think they have.

Men often go unnoticed when they are depressed. Men who are depressed tend to become more violent, scream, and use foul language which is the opposite of how girls are when they are depressed. This point goes to show that men deal with their emotions in a different way. They choose to use vulgar language and scream because it probably stays bottled up and that is how they release their frustration. Since men are said to not show their emotions or cry in our society it plays a toll on how they react in different situations. It is society’s image of men; having to hide who they truly are to be seen as tough which makes men act out the way they do. I believe men who are depressed only act out in rage because they feel as though they are not allowed to talk about how they feel. We as a society need to change that.

In Carlos Andres Gomez’s book the part that really stood out to me was, “Sexuality is a fluid, changing spectrum of experience and impulse… Maybe when I’m seventy I’ll be gay. Or bi.” (p.79) I had never thought of sexuality like that. I always thought that you experiment as a teenager and then follow that sexuality for the rest of your life. The documentary allowed me to see otherwise. Something along the lines of, The brain changes as a result of experiences. Your sex does not define who you are supposed to like or if you truly want to be a boy or a girl. Along with what Carlos wrote in his book, I can now view sexuality as something that can keep on changing throughout life.; that it is a changing spectrum. The documentary helped me understand that when Carlos started dating his “…kinda butch, lesbian friend…”(p.80) that both their spectrums of sexuality had changed. It was an experience they needed to have so that they could be dating the person they are with now.

By: Alexandra Rose Morgan Arseneau

In the documentary The mask you live in, there were many instances of poignant research which shocked me. For example, I did not know that boys were two to three times more likely to commit suicide than girls. I suppose I was caught unaware because suicide is a bit of a taboo topic and so is when men have struggles. The social construct of manliness is defined by strength, both physical and in character so to admit that many of the young men in our society are “lacking” this strength, and worse try to take their own life, would be admitting that we failed them. Another piece of research that surprised me would be that one in four boys binge drink. This would be one more instance of us letting these children down, since such a significant amount of them resort to such lengths to cope with the problems of their young lives.

The documentary also spoke of how hard it was for boys to maintain relationships as they grew up, particularly platonic friendships, as showing one’s feelings or affection towards other men, could be perceived as “feminine” and thus illicit mockery. In Carlos’s case in chapter three of the book Man Up written himself, he does express a longing for physical touch and the level of intimacy in both friendships that he came across when he was in Zambia. Hand holding, prolonged eye contact while listening and such are not inherently bad, but in North American culture, doing that with anyone other than a romantic interest is odd, especially if one is a man. He longs for those meaningful connections much like the youth of the Legacy group in The mask you live in.

The pieces of info in the documentary that really jumped out at me were the few things I didn’t know before I watched it, or just hadn’t made the connection. We often think about how toxic masculinity has effected women and how it plays into/opposes feminism, but as a society we regularly neglect how it’s negatively effected boys and men. The idea of toxic masculinity stems from the idea that men are bigger, smarter and stronger than others, including each other. This creates unhealthy actions, habits and responses specifically in young men. The stress of needing to constantly perform or the psychological repercussions of not feeling like they’re enough or not being allowed to do certain things. It’s a thought process which has lead to 1/4 of boys to report being bullied due to this kind of mindset, and those are only based on the reported cases. Or that something as simple as crying is so looked down upon. When in reality crying is actually quite healthy, it releases endorphins in your brain and acts as a stress/tension release, yet we shame young boys for crying. It is also due to this thought process and perpetuation of it that has made suicide is the third leading cause of death in young men.

I saw a few similarities between the documentary and Carlos Gomez’s book, the first being to shy away anything culture has feminized. This is because as a society we tend to view women as “weak” and men as “strong”. Because of this there often a need for a “mans man” to distance himself from anything we have deemed feminine because then (in his mind) he is viewed as weak.

Annie Varvarikos

In the mask you live in, there were a lot of interesting points that were covered. The documentary was about how boys are influenced and judged to become men. The documentary was very interesting as it brought forward the norm of society of men.

One thing that really stood out to me is when Cody was describing how his father was not around when he was small, therefore his mother had to take care of him all by herself. Because of the absence of his father, Cody never had a father figure to teach him how to be a man. He got bullied because he was considered “Feminine.” This aspect really stood out to me because Cody was made fun of because he was different than most boys when growing up but it wasn’t his fault. His mom was the one to raised him and in society a Momma’s boy is considered to be soft, he was socialized into this. Throughout his life Cody was searching for a father figure and he found it in his coach and professor. This part of the documentary made me realize that there are a lot of families that are fatherless and a lot of young boys are affected by it. Sports also play a big role in how men act because of the aggression as it builds character.

The fact that one in four boys live without a father is very heartbreaking. After watching the documentary i noticed that many parents now are affected by their fathers presence either negatively or positively. Example Luis became aggressive and joined a gang which influenced him to start taking drugs. This occurred because his father was deported when Luis was at a young age. This resulted in him becoming depressed and suicidal. A lot of boys “wear a mask” to not be judged because they suffer with pain from loneliness. They try to show their Masculinity by being loud and aggressive and not show their emotions because in society it is socially constructed.

In the Gomez story the part that stood out the most was when his mom said he and his sister were perfect. But then he thought about what if he was gay, how would his mom react? He talks about if he would be accepted by his mom if he didn’t do all the masculine activities? The documentary helps me get a better understanding of what Carlos meant. It made me realize how many men struggled with how they are supposed to be a man. What makes them men and what doesn’t After watching the documentary, I got a better understanding of Carlos perspective and realize that he isn’t alone. Many young men struggle with problems such as depression and are afraid to show their emotions because “Men aren’t allowed to show emotion.”

What really jumped at me when I watched the documentary is how bad “acting” like a girl is seen. Men have to be the most masculine possible or other guys will make fun of them. Moreover, guys really can’t have any trait that could ascribe to a women’s personality trait. An obvious example of this is that they can’t express any of their feelings, except for anger. As a society, we expect men to be the strongest, to not express their feelings, and to never cry. This is not how it is supposed to be! How can we expect from them to not be humans? The worst thing in that is that by prohibiting men to express their emotions has a lot of consequences on them. Men are diagnostic at with depression, mental health issues, and a lot of guys tries to attempt suicide because they can’t deal with all their troubles anymore. This happens only because the mentality of the society decided that they were not allowed to express their feelings, either they will look like a girl and end up being bullied.

Also, the second aspect that catches my attention is the freedom that men live when they finally decide to follow what they really want to be, and they ignore what the society tells them to do. As they said in the documentary, men who restrict themselves to the men box are more likely to feel incomplete and to feel like something is missing in their life. On the other side, men who decided to get out of the men box and the restrictions of the society, finally feel whole and good with their life. It shows that what the society tells us to do, may not be the best thing to do for everyone. Every person should be free to express and do what they want with their life without being judged, because the best person to choose what is good for you is yourself.

The part of the book that really got my attention is the part where Carlos said: “She had literally sucked my dick probably twenty times, swallowed my cum every time, but holding hands was too intimate?”. This part really got my attention because it really shows the truth about the society we are currently living in. A lot of people fuck with people they don’t even have feels for, and they are scared of being engaged and seen with someone. With the documentary, I really did understand that the power of the society has a major impact on how we see things. If we perceive relations this way, it’s because we learnt to see them like this since we are very young. The mentality of our society influence people to be scared of the engagement and encourage them to do a one-night stand instead. Moreover, as we seen in the documentary, some people follow the influence of people around them, and they do it just to be like everyone else. But deep down, they are not really good and happy with the way they live their life.