The documentary “the mask you live in” shows a deeper view of men and boys and their struggles living. After watching this documentary, one of the things that stood out,was the activity where the high school boys had to write on the front of the mask what they wanted the world to see and on the other side was how the truly feel. This stood out to me because it was accurate, most of the guys I went to high school with seemed ok , but when you seat and get to know them I can find out some surprising things they go through and don’t show it.

The second aspect that grabbed my attention was the fact that men can be depressed too and the ways that studies proved them. Men going through depression and women going through depression are almost opposite. While women are more quiet, men get aggressive and loud. Men being depressed was just never a thought in my head.

I genuinely like this movie and gained a lot on men’s perspective of life and the things the go through that I didn’t know.

Finally,a part from Carlos Andres Gomez book that caught my attention, was towards the end when he spoke about the expectations that people have on masculinity nowadays. If a young boy were to go to school with nail polish, he would be bullied and it would be all over the media. And in the documentary it proves that when young boys don’t live it up to what they are told about manhood they will end up getting humiliated for it.

What jumped at me was when they were saying that gender is a social construct. How the commercials showed how products meant for girls were super pink and for boys, much more violent. It makes me think of how the media could pave a path of how a child may turn out. I ask myself, why is it that we are likely to follow social norms. I think it’s because humans are social creatures and seek to belong with there own. And this surprised me because of the amount of impact we have on the younger generations.

Luis’s story shocked me. I have a little brother who was in a gang. He always does seem to be mad. But I never thought that he would be sad. I’m sure he has pain that nobody would think he has. After learning about suicide rates, I can’t help but feel like I should do something about my little brother’s situation.

Now onto the book and how this documentary helped me understand better what the author tried to tell us. By the end of the book, Gomez states that he hopes that the world would change the way they view the masculine and the feminine. In the documentary, we see that what Mr. Gomez wants is slowly coming to fruition. The documentary was a real eye-opener. We witnessed the pain and agonizing lonelyness many men face and now aware that we should be more attentive to our morals. Otherwise, it would be a domino effect of depressing proportions.

Overall, I really enjoyed the documentary as I found it had some very true and interesting aspects about society’s view on masculinity. First off, an obvious one is relating masculinity to athletic capabilities. This really jumped out at me as it’s something I’ve observed being involved in various sports since I’ve been little. Just like in the documentary, past teammates of mine have nearly always associated the best players as being more manly. Even in individual sports such as skiing, being a man is often associated with how good you are. If you’re able to do that ramp in the snow park or not. Another aspect that stood out was they’re stand on depression with boys. Boys are thought by our society to not show their emotions in public as our society they view being emotional as a feminine trait. The examples they used about how boys change throughout was really interesting as it’s something I realized myself.

The last part of the Carlos Andres Gomez book, when he talks about a modern example of expectations of masculinity really stood out to me. It made me reflect and realize how the media’s reaction is very real. How a little boy with pink toenails sparked such a big media controversy. The documentary was accurate. That boy was not following the normal boy stereotype and people reacted and made a huge deal out of it, just because he was being stereotypically feminine.

Equality is around the corner, but does that mean everything is going to be ok? Well, if we still ascept men to be the “head” of the society then that’s not equality. It has to be a mental and physical change so we can all do our part. Genders only have a 10% difference between each other.

What surprised me is the exposure of the internet or how young children learn their place of society between genders. Playing like girl mean that you have no worth of this society. People misunderstood the meaning of being worthy because they want people to be what everyone likes. Meaning tough and always on top like in action movies. Not their weird concerns or is it weird after all. That what we all want in society is people are honest and open minded. It makes that men don’t have right, more like they have to follow a tradition.

The access of the internet or technology that children have. In 2020, kids have tablets, phones, and computers connected to the internet. With VPNs or parents restrictions setting it could be helpful to block/ restrict the access of the internet for your child. But the parents don’t know how to work with these devices, so in the future, meaning us will use these feature.

Learn the technology before your child do

Me

In the documentary “The Mask You Live In,” what first caught my attention was when a teacher named Ashanti Branch and a group of male students in a circle were doing an activity about the mask. They were told to write what they show to people through that mask and what actually lies behind that mask. From behind the mask, they reveal that most of them feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, on the outside, they show smiles, humour, and friendliness. It makes me sad to see that they feel that they need to hide their emotions because they feel as though it’s not “manly” or that showing emotions makes them out to be weak. It’s not surprising that they feel that they have to show they’re strong or tough because that’s what society tells them to do. It doesn’t makes a man less “manly” if they show that they are vulnerable. Emotion is not just part of being women, it’s part of being human. Sometimes you’re at your lowest and you fall apart, but there is nothing wrong with showing it. There are times when you can’t face it alone and you need someone to be there for you without feeling that you are judged for being vulnerable.

Also, another part that stood out to me is Steven’s part; his story is that he isn’t in a good relationship with his dad. His father would tell him to get a job, get money, and get a lot of women. But he knows that is not how he should be. He follows what’s best for him, which is to finish his education. I noticed how, even though he didn’t have a good image of a father figure, when it comes to his son, he is willing to take anything, such as to play both roles – to be a mother and a father. He learns that his son has feelings too and he does not let him hide away his emotions; he’s trying his best to understand what his son is going through, to let him know that it’s alright to cry and to open up. Steven once said that his son taught him to be more in touch with his emotions. I think that if a father is raising his kid the way he does, his son wouldn’t be scared to open up his feelings, to show emotions, and to tell what’s inside their heart. It shows a good connection between man and man. 

In Carlos Andres Gomez’s book, the part where he wishes guys to develop some kind of emotional literacy most struck me. The documentary helped me understand what he meant. Emotional literacy is the ability to understand and show emotions. It’s what men struggle with because they typically aren’t allowed to show their feelings. When men deal with emotions, they tend to get angry, as opposed to women who instead cry.

In the documentary “The Mask You Live In”, the film showed how boys slowly transitioned into manhood in an American culture. A lot of facts were stated about how the reality of becoming a “man” is a lot harsher than what we originally thought. There were plenty of shocking facts about manhood but the two facts that struck me the most was when the video explained how playing or hanging out with girls is considered feminine and that 50% of boys don’t seek help.

It shocks me that even to this day, people judge boys and call them gay just by simply playing with girls. Although, it is more acceptable to hang out with your girl friends nowadays as a man, I still occasionally feel judged. People will look at you weirdly and will make you feel like an outcast in that friend group. I realized that those who criticize still lives by the rule “boys with boys and girls with girls only”. The second fact that surprised me is that 50% of boys don’t seek the help they need. That is an extreme percentage in opinion. Boys shouldn’t be ashamed and feel restricted to tell how they feel but sadly, in the world where we live in, it is “necessary” for boys to hide their emotions to become a man. Boys will typically bottle up their emotions until it is full which results into anger and violence, a trait associated to men.

After watching the documentary, I now understand why Carlos didn’t want to go to the gay club with his girl friends and felt uncomfortable by that idea. Since he was still young at that time and was still transitioning into manhood, he was following the norms of what is deemed to be normal in becoming a man in American culture. Stereotypes define gay men as being more feminine therefore Carlos didn’t want to associate himself with them by refusing to go to the gay club.

Hello guys. In this weeks blog, I will talk about an evident issue present in our society and it is the idea of ‘masculinity’. Television, internet, music, porn, cinema, religion, family, society, social media, youtube have shown us how to behave as men. We are told to be violent, aggressive, respected, tough, strong and to show no weakness (love, affection, sympathy). Obviously, this is not the norm for everyone. We cannot generalized and say that all men do not express love, sympathy and kindness. It depends on family, society, exposure to the streaming media, education, but mostly on you and the decisions that you make. My goal is to try to illustrate what masculinity is, its causes and how it overpowers in our society and the relation of some anecdotes of my bro Carlos Andres Gomez to the topic.

First of all, it is important to understand that all the streaming industry and society are constantly reinforcing this ideal form of masculinity that is based on three main aspects such as strength, economical success, and sexual success. Strong men are characterized for being physical active, muscular, skillful in some sport and showing no emotions. Being emotional, is considered to be women-like therefore, men have to suppress their emotions if the want to be part of a certain crew. The economical success is seen as the role in which the man has to put the food on the table and economically look after the home. It means that a real man has to have a job, car, house and money to fit in the ideal of masculine man. In my opinion, this is not wrong. As I see it, it is necessary to have economical stability to enjoy life in a better way. However, what if a person is not interested in making money but crazy for meditation and a farm life; what if I do not want to have a car. For some people, the ideal father and husband is a person who has a 9-5 job, a house, a car, a family. However, every single person is an unique human being with a different set of goals, likes, aspirations, and his/her happiness should be first. Finally, religion and porn share the same category which is the sexual success part, that dictates that men have to be heterosexual, like rough sex at some degree. On one hand, some religions (specially catholic) promote heterosexuality and condemn all the spectrum outside it. As I was growing up in a catholic country, I could see how being gay was a sin. Also, my first drum teacher who was Christian pastor told me how he helped gay people to become straight and finally “normal”. Also, a famous Colombian dancer who use to be part of the jury of a dancing T.V. show and who I could tell was really gay, became straight when he adopted the Christianity in his life. Personally, I do not believe that story. I cannot lie to myself by saying that I do not like chocolates and forcing it. I had to suppress my cravings in order to stop eating chocolates but I would still like them anyways. On the other hand we have the porn that teaches us how to behave in a sexual encounter. It shows men to be aggressive and treat women as objects. Again, there is no right or wrong but the issue about porn is that illustrates how sexuality should be instead of what it is in real life, which is totally different to what you see on the screen. As sexual beings, we should be guided by our instincts to discover how and what we like about sex while giving and receiving pleasure. There is a big responsibility on schools, parents and healthcare that should tell students the whole true about sex and guide them through the process of sexual development.

As an example to support the fact of emotional suppression by men, I would like to bring up an anecdote by Carlos when he was hanging out with a girl for casual sex and one night he decides “to interlink his fingers with hers.” Following this act she said “Whoa, what are you doing? We’re not married, Carlos,” then, he thinks in the twenty times that she sucked his dick and swallowed his cum (75). In this anecdote we clearly see how Carlos is getting emotionally involved, however his feelings are condemned by her and as a result, Carlos has to suppress his feelings. Also, by seeing sex as an object of physical pleasure, just like it happens in pornography, one could created a misunderstanding of sexual encounters by thinking that they do not involve affection and positive emotions. The issue is not to have sex without involving emotions but it is to think that sex should be that way always. In my opinion, all types of fulfilling sexual meetings must be accompanied with respect and sympathy. But, it is a challenge for men to develop sympathy if they are told to hide them and to be respectful if they are bombarded with violence everywhere.

According to me, a real man is a male person who know he is, what he wants, what he likes. Also, the person who protects and perpetrates peace, freedom, and life in all the ways. Instead of buying the concept of masculinity that the whole society sells us, I invite you guys to make your own concept of masculinity.

While watching the movie “The Mask You Live In”, there were a lot of things that stood out to me. The fact that being called things such as “bitch, pussy, wuss or sissy” can really shape the phsychological aspect of a boy, yet it is still a thing that happens. I think the reason it stands out to me is because a lot of men are taught to be more “manly” and if we don’t do so, we get called things that are degrading. I think that after constantly being called things, it really shapes the way we think. If I don’t do such thing I will be seen in a negative way.

Another thing that stood out to me is that we as boys are taught to just deal with our problems, to not speak about it, otherwise we’d be seen as weak. By doing so over and over, we start building up a lot of emotion that go ignored and when we react it comes out in a big burst of emotion such as anger. It stood out to me because, like they say in the movie, when boys lash out, it is often seen as an attitude problem or a conduct disorder. People don’t try to get to the roots of what caused it to happen, which can cause us to stay in our own bubble, isolated with no one to talk to. If we talk about it, it can be used against us at any time.

After reading Carlos Andres Gomez’s book, the fact that he wasn’t sure about his sexuality at one point, but he was acting homophobic in a way. One of the examples is when he almost kissed his best friend when he was sleeping because of a dream was one of the many things that caught my attention. In “The Mask You Live In”, we learn that being homosexual isn’t seen as something being masculin, which is also something the author had to go through as a child. He would be made fun of. The environment he grew up in made him think that liking someone of the same gender is a taboo. It was so bad that he was denying his own sexuality because of it, something that we hear about in the movie. Our environment is a huge factor in our every day life.

I wasn’t a stranger to the details being said in the documentary. I grew up with my brother. He was always in and out of trouble because he didn’t have a dad to look up to ( My brother and I don’t have the same dads) and out mom had to be both. My mom tried her best and thankfully before she passed, she got through with my brother. He’s now married with three kids and have a steady job. I’ve also went to high school with boys who caused trouble in class to get attention because they weren’t getting it from their parents. One thing that stood out to me in the documentary is how diverse it is. I expected it to be mainly focused on Africain American boys/ men only because that’s what I’m used to seeing and hearing. Another thing that pops out is that 68% of boys uses pornography daily. I’m surprised that it’s not more after noticing all the ego these young boys have recently.

In the beginning of the documentary it was mentioned that men/boys feel like an insider. I believe that was the case of Carlos. He was exploring his sexuality and if he let it be known to his family that he wasn’t sure of himself, he know they would’t accept him the way they do now because they had a different mentality from his.

Most of the things that we saw during the documentary were not very surprising to me as I too am a male, and although I have not lived or felt every single thing that the boys in the documentary described, I live in a circle of friends that do actually go through these exact struggles and feel the emotions described in this documentary. Saying this, the statistics were not very shocking for me, which is very much unfortunate. If I had to point out a few of them however, these would be it. First of all, the fact that 1 in 4 boys are bullied is shocking. The worst part is that only 30% of those kids that get bullied notify an adult. This is a horrible thing for young men and could be one of the many reasons why so many of us grow up to be introverted, filled with anger, and all the other bad things that come along that road. Second, is that every single day 3 boys commit suicide. That’s 1095 boys, not men, but young males that lose their lives to their own hands. This is the result of accumulation of so many negative aspects in a man’s life whether it’s the stereotypes that some try to live up to or even constant stress & pressure without having the opportunity to talk it out with somebody but instead keeping it all in and dealing it on our own.

The part in Gomez’s book where he explain’s how holding hands in a foreign country was something normal but back home, that’s something that can’t be imagined is easily understood after viewing the documentary. In the recording, it is explained how men avoid showing emotion, let alone showing emotion to one another. Gomez realizes how this mentality affects his hometown where men “aren’t allowed” to show their emotions especially holding another man’s hands.