While watching the movie “The Mask You Live In”, there were a lot of things that stood out to me. The fact that being called things such as “bitch, pussy, wuss or sissy” can really shape the phsychological aspect of a boy, yet it is still a thing that happens. I think the reason it stands out to me is because a lot of men are taught to be more “manly” and if we don’t do so, we get called things that are degrading. I think that after constantly being called things, it really shapes the way we think. If I don’t do such thing I will be seen in a negative way.

Another thing that stood out to me is that we as boys are taught to just deal with our problems, to not speak about it, otherwise we’d be seen as weak. By doing so over and over, we start building up a lot of emotion that go ignored and when we react it comes out in a big burst of emotion such as anger. It stood out to me because, like they say in the movie, when boys lash out, it is often seen as an attitude problem or a conduct disorder. People don’t try to get to the roots of what caused it to happen, which can cause us to stay in our own bubble, isolated with no one to talk to. If we talk about it, it can be used against us at any time.

After reading Carlos Andres Gomez’s book, the fact that he wasn’t sure about his sexuality at one point, but he was acting homophobic in a way. One of the examples is when he almost kissed his best friend when he was sleeping because of a dream was one of the many things that caught my attention. In “The Mask You Live In”, we learn that being homosexual isn’t seen as something being masculin, which is also something the author had to go through as a child. He would be made fun of. The environment he grew up in made him think that liking someone of the same gender is a taboo. It was so bad that he was denying his own sexuality because of it, something that we hear about in the movie. Our environment is a huge factor in our every day life.

I wasn’t a stranger to the details being said in the documentary. I grew up with my brother. He was always in and out of trouble because he didn’t have a dad to look up to ( My brother and I don’t have the same dads) and out mom had to be both. My mom tried her best and thankfully before she passed, she got through with my brother. He’s now married with three kids and have a steady job. I’ve also went to high school with boys who caused trouble in class to get attention because they weren’t getting it from their parents. One thing that stood out to me in the documentary is how diverse it is. I expected it to be mainly focused on Africain American boys/ men only because that’s what I’m used to seeing and hearing. Another thing that pops out is that 68% of boys uses pornography daily. I’m surprised that it’s not more after noticing all the ego these young boys have recently.

In the beginning of the documentary it was mentioned that men/boys feel like an insider. I believe that was the case of Carlos. He was exploring his sexuality and if he let it be known to his family that he wasn’t sure of himself, he know they would’t accept him the way they do now because they had a different mentality from his.

Most of the things that we saw during the documentary were not very surprising to me as I too am a male, and although I have not lived or felt every single thing that the boys in the documentary described, I live in a circle of friends that do actually go through these exact struggles and feel the emotions described in this documentary. Saying this, the statistics were not very shocking for me, which is very much unfortunate. If I had to point out a few of them however, these would be it. First of all, the fact that 1 in 4 boys are bullied is shocking. The worst part is that only 30% of those kids that get bullied notify an adult. This is a horrible thing for young men and could be one of the many reasons why so many of us grow up to be introverted, filled with anger, and all the other bad things that come along that road. Second, is that every single day 3 boys commit suicide. That’s 1095 boys, not men, but young males that lose their lives to their own hands. This is the result of accumulation of so many negative aspects in a man’s life whether it’s the stereotypes that some try to live up to or even constant stress & pressure without having the opportunity to talk it out with somebody but instead keeping it all in and dealing it on our own.

The part in Gomez’s book where he explain’s how holding hands in a foreign country was something normal but back home, that’s something that can’t be imagined is easily understood after viewing the documentary. In the recording, it is explained how men avoid showing emotion, let alone showing emotion to one another. Gomez realizes how this mentality affects his hometown where men “aren’t allowed” to show their emotions especially holding another man’s hands.

One aspect that caught my attention was when they addressed the fact that when coaches try to motivate or strengthen their players’ mental when they’re not performing so well that they would say, for example, “stop being a pussy and man up” or “you throw like a girl”. This caught my attention, because it was pretty much true. It wasn’t something that was new to me. And when they started to explain that these were insults that were demeaning to women, I started to realize that too, that they were giving them the idea that acting like a girl is bad, that being emotional and sensitive is bad which could lead them to isolation in their toughest moments because they don’t want to show emotion or what their coaches would call “weakness”. That could lead them to thinking that they can’t reach out to anybody whenever they’re dealing with something.

Another aspect of the video that caught my attention was when parenting was addressed. I never really questioned modern day parenting where girls were raised in a pink room with dolls and boys were raised in a blue room with toy cars, but now I see that all of that is to shape how the boy and the girl should act and be like. I agree with the experts that say that we shouldn’t impose anything to young kids at such a young age. For example(for boys), that pink is for girls or that crying is for girls only, because that is nonsense that is being carved into their thinking and will stick as they grow up. This is one of the reasons that boys tend to bottle up their emotions.

In p.82, the part where Gomez starts to talk about how society’s definition of masculinity is to be strong, stoic, brave or powerful was clearer to me after having watched the documentary. I now understand what he meant when he says that by oppressing women and gays, ultimately, we’re also oppressing ourselves, because it’s true that most men these days try avoiding doing even the simplest way of showing affection to other men which is a hug and now I understand more why that is.

What caught my attention in the document “The mask you live in” was how men are pressure to “fit in” in the stereotype of masculinity. For example if you’re a man, people automatically assume that you’re muscular, in a sports team, going to the gym or getting laid all the time. There is no mention of emotions. Because if you show them, you are considered to be soft. It’s like the only emotion society accepts from a man is anger. The only emotion that a man can show is his anger. I find that upsetting because men do have other feelings like sadness but they have to hide it because then they get called on names like “faggot or a pussy”. As a human being, it is normal to feel upset, sad & depressed.

 I was also shock to know that every 1 in 6 boy get sexually abuse. This is something underrated because nobody ever talks about it. I only saw 13 reasons why talking about it. No other show. Women sexual abuse is more popular than men. Why is that? It’s really traumatic to see and hear that both genders are facing sexual abuse in their lives. Nobody deserves to face this traumatic situation whether it’s a women or a MAN.

In the Gomez story, the part where he says where so many people were enforcing his masculinity; “it’s my dad making sure I’m staying in shape and going to the gym”. It’s his friend freezing up and don’t know what to do when he gets emotional. As a mention earlier, it’s normal to have emotions for men. Yet, they get judge because it is not considered a “manly” act. They’re not born heartless. They have feelings too and it’s okay to show them.

It was weird seeing people of society describing what they thought, or what people told them, was a real man and what they did because they thought it was “manly”. For example, the guy who quit music because he was getting bullied. It was unexpected for me to hear someone get bullied for doing music because when I was in high school, doing music was great. Music was something that was very special in high school and we never got anything negative about it. I’m not sure how not drinking and not doing drugs makes you an outcast. I personally prefer not to do any of those because they can have harmful effects on the body, including liver disease, addiction, and even death. As for boys being more aggressive when they are depressed, I believe it could be true, that’s why, I think some guys do sports, to put their aggression into something other than hitting people. Others may take it as a sort of therapy for themselves from stress, pain, etc. However, sometimes we are forced to talk about what is going on because most coaches can tell something is wrong in their players life by the way they are playing.

The part when Carlos explains that “Manhood” is a game that we are destined to lose was the part that got my attention. The reason being that throughout the book, he explains that men use three terms to oppress the feminized attitudes in men. What really got my attention was when he said that people “oppress” who they really are. I found that quite surprising since it explains a lot about some people I’ve met in the past and those mentioned in the text. Something I remember being taught, and that is clearly stated in this paragraph is to accept who you are.

The documentary “The Mask You Live In,” presented a lot of shocking research which really had me thinking. I had a hard time believing most of the things they said for they were upsetting and sounded so unrealistic. This goes to show that many points jumped out at me. For instance, one in four boys report being bullied and how men who are depressed often go unnoticed.

Boys who get bullied should not be afraid to speak up. I find it very sad that only one in four boys report being bullied. Boys, just like girls can be bullied for their looks, personality etc… and should not feel as though talking about it is forbidden because they are a male. In society men are taught to keep their emotions inside, wear a mask and hide anything that can be seen as a weakness while girls are seen to be emotional human beings. Girls and boys are more alike than different and we should accept them for who they are as a person instead of trying to depict every little flaw we think they have.

Men often go unnoticed when they are depressed. Men who are depressed tend to become more violent, scream, and use foul language which is the opposite of how girls are when they are depressed. This point goes to show that men deal with their emotions in a different way. They choose to use vulgar language and scream because it probably stays bottled up and that is how they release their frustration. Since men are said to not show their emotions or cry in our society it plays a toll on how they react in different situations. It is society’s image of men; having to hide who they truly are to be seen as tough which makes men act out the way they do. I believe men who are depressed only act out in rage because they feel as though they are not allowed to talk about how they feel. We as a society need to change that.

In Carlos Andres Gomez’s book the part that really stood out to me was, “Sexuality is a fluid, changing spectrum of experience and impulse… Maybe when I’m seventy I’ll be gay. Or bi.” (p.79) I had never thought of sexuality like that. I always thought that you experiment as a teenager and then follow that sexuality for the rest of your life. The documentary allowed me to see otherwise. Something along the lines of, The brain changes as a result of experiences. Your sex does not define who you are supposed to like or if you truly want to be a boy or a girl. Along with what Carlos wrote in his book, I can now view sexuality as something that can keep on changing throughout life.; that it is a changing spectrum. The documentary helped me understand that when Carlos started dating his “…kinda butch, lesbian friend…”(p.80) that both their spectrums of sexuality had changed. It was an experience they needed to have so that they could be dating the person they are with now.

By: Alexandra Rose Morgan Arseneau

In the documentary The mask you live in, there were many instances of poignant research which shocked me. For example, I did not know that boys were two to three times more likely to commit suicide than girls. I suppose I was caught unaware because suicide is a bit of a taboo topic and so is when men have struggles. The social construct of manliness is defined by strength, both physical and in character so to admit that many of the young men in our society are “lacking” this strength, and worse try to take their own life, would be admitting that we failed them. Another piece of research that surprised me would be that one in four boys binge drink. This would be one more instance of us letting these children down, since such a significant amount of them resort to such lengths to cope with the problems of their young lives.

The documentary also spoke of how hard it was for boys to maintain relationships as they grew up, particularly platonic friendships, as showing one’s feelings or affection towards other men, could be perceived as “feminine” and thus illicit mockery. In Carlos’s case in chapter three of the book Man Up written himself, he does express a longing for physical touch and the level of intimacy in both friendships that he came across when he was in Zambia. Hand holding, prolonged eye contact while listening and such are not inherently bad, but in North American culture, doing that with anyone other than a romantic interest is odd, especially if one is a man. He longs for those meaningful connections much like the youth of the Legacy group in The mask you live in.

The pieces of info in the documentary that really jumped out at me were the few things I didn’t know before I watched it, or just hadn’t made the connection. We often think about how toxic masculinity has effected women and how it plays into/opposes feminism, but as a society we regularly neglect how it’s negatively effected boys and men. The idea of toxic masculinity stems from the idea that men are bigger, smarter and stronger than others, including each other. This creates unhealthy actions, habits and responses specifically in young men. The stress of needing to constantly perform or the psychological repercussions of not feeling like they’re enough or not being allowed to do certain things. It’s a thought process which has lead to 1/4 of boys to report being bullied due to this kind of mindset, and those are only based on the reported cases. Or that something as simple as crying is so looked down upon. When in reality crying is actually quite healthy, it releases endorphins in your brain and acts as a stress/tension release, yet we shame young boys for crying. It is also due to this thought process and perpetuation of it that has made suicide is the third leading cause of death in young men.

I saw a few similarities between the documentary and Carlos Gomez’s book, the first being to shy away anything culture has feminized. This is because as a society we tend to view women as “weak” and men as “strong”. Because of this there often a need for a “mans man” to distance himself from anything we have deemed feminine because then (in his mind) he is viewed as weak.

Annie Varvarikos

In the mask you live in, there were a lot of interesting points that were covered. The documentary was about how boys are influenced and judged to become men. The documentary was very interesting as it brought forward the norm of society of men.

One thing that really stood out to me is when Cody was describing how his father was not around when he was small, therefore his mother had to take care of him all by herself. Because of the absence of his father, Cody never had a father figure to teach him how to be a man. He got bullied because he was considered “Feminine.” This aspect really stood out to me because Cody was made fun of because he was different than most boys when growing up but it wasn’t his fault. His mom was the one to raised him and in society a Momma’s boy is considered to be soft, he was socialized into this. Throughout his life Cody was searching for a father figure and he found it in his coach and professor. This part of the documentary made me realize that there are a lot of families that are fatherless and a lot of young boys are affected by it. Sports also play a big role in how men act because of the aggression as it builds character.

The fact that one in four boys live without a father is very heartbreaking. After watching the documentary i noticed that many parents now are affected by their fathers presence either negatively or positively. Example Luis became aggressive and joined a gang which influenced him to start taking drugs. This occurred because his father was deported when Luis was at a young age. This resulted in him becoming depressed and suicidal. A lot of boys “wear a mask” to not be judged because they suffer with pain from loneliness. They try to show their Masculinity by being loud and aggressive and not show their emotions because in society it is socially constructed.

In the Gomez story the part that stood out the most was when his mom said he and his sister were perfect. But then he thought about what if he was gay, how would his mom react? He talks about if he would be accepted by his mom if he didn’t do all the masculine activities? The documentary helps me get a better understanding of what Carlos meant. It made me realize how many men struggled with how they are supposed to be a man. What makes them men and what doesn’t After watching the documentary, I got a better understanding of Carlos perspective and realize that he isn’t alone. Many young men struggle with problems such as depression and are afraid to show their emotions because “Men aren’t allowed to show emotion.”