It was weird seeing people of society describing what they thought, or what people told them, was a real man and what they did because they thought it was “manly”. For example, the guy who quit music because he was getting bullied. It was unexpected for me to hear someone get bullied for doing music because when I was in high school, doing music was great. Music was something that was very special in high school and we never got anything negative about it. I’m not sure how not drinking and not doing drugs makes you an outcast. I personally prefer not to do any of those because they can have harmful effects on the body, including liver disease, addiction, and even death. As for boys being more aggressive when they are depressed, I believe it could be true, that’s why, I think some guys do sports, to put their aggression into something other than hitting people. Others may take it as a sort of therapy for themselves from stress, pain, etc. However, sometimes we are forced to talk about what is going on because most coaches can tell something is wrong in their players life by the way they are playing.

The part when Carlos explains that “Manhood” is a game that we are destined to lose was the part that got my attention. The reason being that throughout the book, he explains that men use three terms to oppress the feminized attitudes in men. What really got my attention was when he said that people “oppress” who they really are. I found that quite surprising since it explains a lot about some people I’ve met in the past and those mentioned in the text. Something I remember being taught, and that is clearly stated in this paragraph is to accept who you are.

The documentary “The Mask You Live In,” presented a lot of shocking research which really had me thinking. I had a hard time believing most of the things they said for they were upsetting and sounded so unrealistic. This goes to show that many points jumped out at me. For instance, one in four boys report being bullied and how men who are depressed often go unnoticed.

Boys who get bullied should not be afraid to speak up. I find it very sad that only one in four boys report being bullied. Boys, just like girls can be bullied for their looks, personality etc… and should not feel as though talking about it is forbidden because they are a male. In society men are taught to keep their emotions inside, wear a mask and hide anything that can be seen as a weakness while girls are seen to be emotional human beings. Girls and boys are more alike than different and we should accept them for who they are as a person instead of trying to depict every little flaw we think they have.

Men often go unnoticed when they are depressed. Men who are depressed tend to become more violent, scream, and use foul language which is the opposite of how girls are when they are depressed. This point goes to show that men deal with their emotions in a different way. They choose to use vulgar language and scream because it probably stays bottled up and that is how they release their frustration. Since men are said to not show their emotions or cry in our society it plays a toll on how they react in different situations. It is society’s image of men; having to hide who they truly are to be seen as tough which makes men act out the way they do. I believe men who are depressed only act out in rage because they feel as though they are not allowed to talk about how they feel. We as a society need to change that.

In Carlos Andres Gomez’s book the part that really stood out to me was, “Sexuality is a fluid, changing spectrum of experience and impulse… Maybe when I’m seventy I’ll be gay. Or bi.” (p.79) I had never thought of sexuality like that. I always thought that you experiment as a teenager and then follow that sexuality for the rest of your life. The documentary allowed me to see otherwise. Something along the lines of, The brain changes as a result of experiences. Your sex does not define who you are supposed to like or if you truly want to be a boy or a girl. Along with what Carlos wrote in his book, I can now view sexuality as something that can keep on changing throughout life.; that it is a changing spectrum. The documentary helped me understand that when Carlos started dating his “…kinda butch, lesbian friend…”(p.80) that both their spectrums of sexuality had changed. It was an experience they needed to have so that they could be dating the person they are with now.

By: Alexandra Rose Morgan Arseneau

In the documentary The mask you live in, there were many instances of poignant research which shocked me. For example, I did not know that boys were two to three times more likely to commit suicide than girls. I suppose I was caught unaware because suicide is a bit of a taboo topic and so is when men have struggles. The social construct of manliness is defined by strength, both physical and in character so to admit that many of the young men in our society are “lacking” this strength, and worse try to take their own life, would be admitting that we failed them. Another piece of research that surprised me would be that one in four boys binge drink. This would be one more instance of us letting these children down, since such a significant amount of them resort to such lengths to cope with the problems of their young lives.

The documentary also spoke of how hard it was for boys to maintain relationships as they grew up, particularly platonic friendships, as showing one’s feelings or affection towards other men, could be perceived as “feminine” and thus illicit mockery. In Carlos’s case in chapter three of the book Man Up written himself, he does express a longing for physical touch and the level of intimacy in both friendships that he came across when he was in Zambia. Hand holding, prolonged eye contact while listening and such are not inherently bad, but in North American culture, doing that with anyone other than a romantic interest is odd, especially if one is a man. He longs for those meaningful connections much like the youth of the Legacy group in The mask you live in.

The pieces of info in the documentary that really jumped out at me were the few things I didn’t know before I watched it, or just hadn’t made the connection. We often think about how toxic masculinity has effected women and how it plays into/opposes feminism, but as a society we regularly neglect how it’s negatively effected boys and men. The idea of toxic masculinity stems from the idea that men are bigger, smarter and stronger than others, including each other. This creates unhealthy actions, habits and responses specifically in young men. The stress of needing to constantly perform or the psychological repercussions of not feeling like they’re enough or not being allowed to do certain things. It’s a thought process which has lead to 1/4 of boys to report being bullied due to this kind of mindset, and those are only based on the reported cases. Or that something as simple as crying is so looked down upon. When in reality crying is actually quite healthy, it releases endorphins in your brain and acts as a stress/tension release, yet we shame young boys for crying. It is also due to this thought process and perpetuation of it that has made suicide is the third leading cause of death in young men.

I saw a few similarities between the documentary and Carlos Gomez’s book, the first being to shy away anything culture has feminized. This is because as a society we tend to view women as “weak” and men as “strong”. Because of this there often a need for a “mans man” to distance himself from anything we have deemed feminine because then (in his mind) he is viewed as weak.

Annie Varvarikos

In the mask you live in, there were a lot of interesting points that were covered. The documentary was about how boys are influenced and judged to become men. The documentary was very interesting as it brought forward the norm of society of men.

One thing that really stood out to me is when Cody was describing how his father was not around when he was small, therefore his mother had to take care of him all by herself. Because of the absence of his father, Cody never had a father figure to teach him how to be a man. He got bullied because he was considered “Feminine.” This aspect really stood out to me because Cody was made fun of because he was different than most boys when growing up but it wasn’t his fault. His mom was the one to raised him and in society a Momma’s boy is considered to be soft, he was socialized into this. Throughout his life Cody was searching for a father figure and he found it in his coach and professor. This part of the documentary made me realize that there are a lot of families that are fatherless and a lot of young boys are affected by it. Sports also play a big role in how men act because of the aggression as it builds character.

The fact that one in four boys live without a father is very heartbreaking. After watching the documentary i noticed that many parents now are affected by their fathers presence either negatively or positively. Example Luis became aggressive and joined a gang which influenced him to start taking drugs. This occurred because his father was deported when Luis was at a young age. This resulted in him becoming depressed and suicidal. A lot of boys “wear a mask” to not be judged because they suffer with pain from loneliness. They try to show their Masculinity by being loud and aggressive and not show their emotions because in society it is socially constructed.

In the Gomez story the part that stood out the most was when his mom said he and his sister were perfect. But then he thought about what if he was gay, how would his mom react? He talks about if he would be accepted by his mom if he didn’t do all the masculine activities? The documentary helps me get a better understanding of what Carlos meant. It made me realize how many men struggled with how they are supposed to be a man. What makes them men and what doesn’t After watching the documentary, I got a better understanding of Carlos perspective and realize that he isn’t alone. Many young men struggle with problems such as depression and are afraid to show their emotions because “Men aren’t allowed to show emotion.”

What really jumped at me when I watched the documentary is how bad “acting” like a girl is seen. Men have to be the most masculine possible or other guys will make fun of them. Moreover, guys really can’t have any trait that could ascribe to a women’s personality trait. An obvious example of this is that they can’t express any of their feelings, except for anger. As a society, we expect men to be the strongest, to not express their feelings, and to never cry. This is not how it is supposed to be! How can we expect from them to not be humans? The worst thing in that is that by prohibiting men to express their emotions has a lot of consequences on them. Men are diagnostic at with depression, mental health issues, and a lot of guys tries to attempt suicide because they can’t deal with all their troubles anymore. This happens only because the mentality of the society decided that they were not allowed to express their feelings, either they will look like a girl and end up being bullied.

Also, the second aspect that catches my attention is the freedom that men live when they finally decide to follow what they really want to be, and they ignore what the society tells them to do. As they said in the documentary, men who restrict themselves to the men box are more likely to feel incomplete and to feel like something is missing in their life. On the other side, men who decided to get out of the men box and the restrictions of the society, finally feel whole and good with their life. It shows that what the society tells us to do, may not be the best thing to do for everyone. Every person should be free to express and do what they want with their life without being judged, because the best person to choose what is good for you is yourself.

The part of the book that really got my attention is the part where Carlos said: “She had literally sucked my dick probably twenty times, swallowed my cum every time, but holding hands was too intimate?”. This part really got my attention because it really shows the truth about the society we are currently living in. A lot of people fuck with people they don’t even have feels for, and they are scared of being engaged and seen with someone. With the documentary, I really did understand that the power of the society has a major impact on how we see things. If we perceive relations this way, it’s because we learnt to see them like this since we are very young. The mentality of our society influence people to be scared of the engagement and encourage them to do a one-night stand instead. Moreover, as we seen in the documentary, some people follow the influence of people around them, and they do it just to be like everyone else. But deep down, they are not really good and happy with the way they live their life.

In the documentary The Mask you live in the, stuff that was said about boys becoming men really stood out to me. One particular thing that stood out to me was when a Mother named Gabby said how her son Roman was bullied and abused in school because he did not have a father figure to guide him through those times and this made him feel lonely and different.

Another thing that was said in the documentary that stood out to me was when statistics showed that 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused. This part was really touching for me because men have to be seen as strong and powerful but yet some boys are being sexually abused instead of being taught how to be a good gentleman. This is really sad because it’s not only females who are being sexually abused in this society but so are Males no matter the power there “supposed to have “

One last thing that stood out to me in this documentary is when someone said men don’t say or do anything because they will loose their status in peered culture. No one should have to hold back their emotions or pain when it comes to things like this and holding in your pain does not make u a man there’s no such thing as that and it’s sad how men need to be view this way that way they can be viewed as superior to women.

When Carlos Andres Gomez spoke about the young boy who wanted to confront him mom that he was gay after going to a gay club with his friend by accident, but the mom laughed and seemed disgusted when she heard about the gay club. The boy was scared to confront that he was gay to her because of the way she acted to him going to a gay club. The documentary better helps me understand his experience because a lot of boys do not have a father figure growing up and this shows that a lot of boys are scared to express how they feel and are scared to come out because being gay or being Bi isn’t what a man is supposed to be.

In the documentary “The mask you live in”, what really stood out to me was when they explained that when boys are depressed they react differently than the way girls do. Instead boys will take their depression out as anger and become mean towards other whereas when girls are depressed they’re more quiet and sad. This issue really stood out to me because it showed the difference between how male and females cope with things and how if a guy cries or show he’s sad he’s considered feminine, which mean not manly.

Another thing that caught my attention was when the boys were talking and they were saying how they have to give out a certain image of themselves in order to be considered “a man” to society. They feel as though if they give affection to one of their friends it’s considered gay. This issue caught my attention because I find that absolutely sad that a guy can’t even hug his friend without being considered gay, and this is why boys become mean and grow into violent men because they feel showing love isn’t manly.

In the book from Carlos Andres Gomez, the part that got my attention was when the author was explaining how straight men use words such as “bitch, faggot, pussy” that they use them to devaluate the feminine and how it’s an attack on women. I agree with him completely, not only is it offensive to gay men, but it’s a huge offense to women, because they make it seem as if a men acts like a women it’s such a bad thing.

This documentary helped me understand Carlos’ experience because of what boys go through just to fit in be considered a normal man. That’s why after when boys show a little affection they think they’re gay because what is expected of a man in society is to be strong and can’t show any emotion. That’s why he wasn’t even sure of what he was because his feelings weren’t the same of what is expected to be considered “a man”. Having to live with acting a way that isn’t your true self is one of the hardest things to deal with.

I think one of the most striking aspects of the documentary was, to me, the idea of a “bro code”. The documentary was discussing how, when boys “betray” their group or don’t act like their bros, they are  shamed and marginalized. The documentary was also explaining how this code pushes men to not be themselves, to be impulsive and violent to prove their masculinity. This part really caught my attention because I could associate so many boys I knew to that. Growing up, I saw them lose the spark they had in their early adolescence to fit in with the other boys and to conform. Throughout high school, there were always guys who would tell girls about how low they felt, but they would be too ashamed to talk about it to their “bros”. What was interesting, though, is that these same boys completely changed when their group was around. They would immediately ignore or be mean to the very girls they confided to, because they did not want to look “weak”. I also often felt like the idea of “me and the boys” was sold through movies like Good Will Hunting or Stand by Me. The documentary also says that media has a big influence, but when boys try to have the connections they see in movies in real life, it’s harder for them to attain that level of friendship because they could not be emotionally open without the fear of being judged.

Another striking part of the documentary was the part concerning the mask exercise, where boys admitted they hid all their sadness and pain because these feelings weren’t associated with being masculine. This part struck to me because, again, of the environment I grew in. It made me think of a friend of mine who was feeling very sad last year. Once, he told me he was crying because of the many things that were going on and I did my best to let him know that everything would be okay. The next day, however, he told me “wow, I can’t believe I was so weak. I’m ashamed. Men never cry”. I became conscious that day of that mask that he hid behind and that probably many boys I know hide behind, which is why seeing this aspect of masculinity in the documentary caught my attention. Boys are taught to resolve to violence and to dominate in order to solve any issue. They always must be in control and aren’t allowed to take a break and be genuine with what they are feeling.

Finally, one part in Gomez’ story that really caught my attention was how badly he craved the intimacy between men in Zambia, since it was something that his own culture rejected. In the documentary, this is seen as the reason why boys drink and get high: they want to be close and intimate with their friends but cannot do so without being seen as weak. However, when they’re drunk/high, it is suddenly normal to be emotional, to hug and to express love to friends. There’s no longer any fear or shame around it. I think it’s sad that this is the only way for many boys to be emotional. To conclude, Gomez himself “wish[ed] most guys in the United States could be granted more permission to enter spaces like that with each other, not necessarily in a sexual way, but to develop some kind of emotional literacy among [them], especially with each other”.

  The mask you live in really opened my eyes on how boys are “trained” since they were little to “be a man” or to “man up”. Therefore, hearing in this documentary that less than half of boys and men with mental health are seeking help, every day three or more boys commit suicide, and are judged for being vulnerable is just heartbreaking. So, what really got my attention was when Ashanti Branch (educator and youth advocate) did an exercise with his students. He basically asked them to write on a paper what emotions they are showing to the public and in the back of the paper their real feelings. This got my attention because he did a good job at making the students see that they weren’t the only guys feeling that way and that they are not alone. Also, what Joe Ehrmann (coach and former NFL player) said about how coaches play a big role on the guys is something that all athletes should listen too. Because having a good coach that supports who you truly are, knows your limitations, accepts your other passions, and guides you to the right direction is the perfect coach/mentor! 

     Secondly, what really got my attention from the book of Carlos Andres Gomez was when he had a girlfriends and talked about how they would have sex and stuff even though he knew he was gay, because it pains me to see people hiding their true feelings for the wrong reasons, which in his case is because it is not socially accepted in public and in his family/culture. Now watching this documentary it helped me understand his reason; people were reinforcing him to be a man and to do what all frat boys do!!!